UNCLE JOHN’S RECIPES FOR SUCCESS

Why not enjoy these tried-and-tested recipes from the cuisine (that’s kitchen in French!)… from the kitchen of Uncle John. Every one of these recipes is great for the whole family, and good for lonely single people too.

Bacon Surprise

Take any favourite dish and add a quantity of fried bacon. Voila! You have now created a ‘deluxe version’ that will win over fat-lovers everywhere. You can have fun by inventing special names for your deluxe bacon versions – ‘spaghetti bolognese with bacon’, ‘stir fry with bacon’, ‘bacon stir fry’, ‘mushroom soup a la bacon’ etc.

Cheese on Toast

You all know this old favourite. Cheese. Toast. Put them together in whatever way seems suitable.

‘Hidden Brick’

Make a large cake (loaf-shaped cakes will work better than round ones), and hide a brick inside it. Even better, bake your cake with the brick already secluded within. This will make a novel and delightful treat for party-goers.

Avocado and Sun-dried Tomato Sandwich with Vinaigrette

Make a sandwich, filling it with avocado and sun-dried tomatoes. Throw in some vinaigrette. Voila! An avocado and sun-dried tomato sandwich with vinaigrette.

For this recipe you will need:

Avocado

Sun-dried tomato

Vinaigrette

A sandwich

Beef Willy-Nilly

This was always a crowd-pleaser when I was working as Maitre D at the prestigious Ayers House restaurant in Adelaide. Take some beef and put it in a hot pan. Throw in anything else that comes to hand, then put it on a plate. Serve at your convenience, or just leave it for the other waiter whenever he finishes his cigarette.

Glacé Flowers

Get some flowers from the garden and put sugar on them, or sugar mixed with water. Experiment. You can actually eat the flower petals, and they don’t taste so bad if they have plenty of sugar. This dish is most useful for if anyone you know is bringing a gay friend with them to dinner (if you have a dinner party you should make sure that your friends warn you in advance about anything like this) – this will make them feel welcome and hide the fact that they are an outsider in society. Being gay is legal in this state and everyone deserves to feel welcome.

Frog in the Pond

Make jelly by following the instructions on the packet. Put in a frog (chocolate ‘Freddo’ frog). Great for the kids and adults too!

Pretzels

Not really a recipe but I think they taste great with a nice cold beer and together they are surely a Recipe for Success! My brother says they taste like cardboard but then he doesn’t like beer either. No good for kids though – it will give them diorraehea.

Lentils

Get some lentils and put them in a big pot. Cook them with water, and add some salt to give flavour. This is another useful visitors’ dish, for when you have some hippies or other vego people coming to your house. They don’t eat much else, so it is best to make lentils. Add some parsley to show that you care about the environment too.

Weetbix

This is a good meal to have in the mornings, though it can make you feel sick sometimes if you have drunk too much the night before, or sometimes if you have been lying awake all night worrying about the future it can make you feel sick too. Put the weetbix in a bowl with some milk. The back of the pack says you can use hot or cold milk but WARNING! it’s a bit gross if you use hot milk.

Tinned Pineapple

This is a great dessert and the kids love it. You can experiment by combining it with Frog in the Pond or Bacon Surprise (see above).

Caesar Salad with Chicken

Follow the recipe as above for ‘Beef Willy-Nilly’, but with bacon instead of beef. Add lettuce, avocado, sun-dried tomato and vinaigrette. Voila! Add salt for flavour.

Hot Chocolate

Great for kids and adults too! This drink is great just before bed, because it will help you sleep soundly without waking up and worrying about the future. Be careful though because if you drink too much hot chocolate just before going to bed you will wake up needing to use the toilet! Take some milk and put chocolate powder in it. Any type is okay. Don’t forget to heat it up!

I hope you enjoy these Recipes for Success and anybody who likes them can even come round to my house for dinner. It’s on me! Contact me by email at unclejohn@totalcardboard.com You can bring anyone you want only you have to warn me about who you’re bringing like I said above. You can even call me Uncle if you want!

(Last but not least - thanks to Reuben for helping me design this site!)