The treatment handed out to inanimate objects over the centuries has been appalling. Humanity has consistently taken up objects, used them, changed them, broken them up, created new ones, and discarded them without so much as holiday pay. And it is something we are all guilty of. For who among us does not possess at least a few objects? And in fact they are our very slaves. We did not consider their rights as autonomous individuals when we rudely possessed them.

	^ Click on cover to browse the book	The Undying Love of Mouse-head Number 1 Greta Harrison [extract] Mouse-head Number 1 was sick of grubby toddlers pushing ping-pong balls down his throat all day long. The balls would rattle down his plastic neck and out a tube into slots marked 1 to 4. And the slots they landed in would determine the score the child would get, which in turn determined the prize the carny would hand over. Because, as the sign said, ‘every child wins a prize.’ But Mouse-head Number 1 knew that this prize comprised either a miniature novelty plastic motorbike or a small Justin Timberlake keyring, which would no doubt be swallowed by most young recipients at the first opportunity. Not once had the carny given away one of the giant plush toys hanging above his head, toys which had now begun to fade and pill from the sea winds which lashed and flayed the old carnival pier. Even so, the Lucky Mouse stall did better trade than the Laughing Clown game on the pier’s south side. But everyone knows that clowns are fucking sinister. Mouse-head Number 1 was made of fibreglass. He was in fact a poorly-defined replica of Mickey Mouse, but brown with an elongated nose and weird blinking eyes to safeguard against potential copyright infringement. He was identical to the seven other mouse-heads on the carny’s sideshow stall. All except for Mouse-head Number 3, or Hattie as she was known, who had long eyelashes and a pink bow between her ears. Mouse-head Number 1 was in love with Hattie. And he was pretty sure she felt the same way. But he was pragmatic about the situation. He was well aware of the very real barriers to their future happiness, the most apparent of which being that they were both stuck in a sideshow amusement game. It was also a bit of a shit that, due to the mechanics of the game, whenever Mouse-head Number 1 was turned to face Hattie, she was staring away from him towards the Gee-Whizzer. Seconds later, when Hattie turned back around, Mouse-head Number 1 was looking the other way, towards the Cork Gun Gallery. They could never lock eyes. And, of course, whatever view he did have of the back of Hattie’s head was 70 percent obscured by Mouse-head Number 2. The odds really were against them, that much was clear. But the lovers had devised an elaborate morse-code-like language by activating their lights and bells at will. Once Hattie had indicated through three flashes and six bleeps that she adored Mouse-head Number 1. But then she could have just been trying to say that she had a sore neck; Mouse-head Number 1 was not too good at decoding anymore. All the odd flashing had led the foul-tempered carny to believe his machines were malfunctioning, often prompting him to thump Mouse-head Number 1 violently between the ears. This had made him feel a bit tingly and unwell most of the time. But these sporadic beatings were reserved for Mouse-head Number 1. The carny didn’t once raise his hand in anger against Hattie, for in truth he had quite a soft spot for her. The life of a sideshow attendant was a lonely one, Hattie tried to tell herself. The carny had to find his comfort where he could. But the unwanted attention made Hattie quite squeamish. Especially when the carny caught her in his steady gaze, his right hand deep in the lower front pocket of his dungarees, jangling a set of keys. Hattie’s discomfort made Mouse-head Number 1’s heart ache. He needed a plan. Contents listing From Total Cardboard 8 £5.00 144pp, 24 x 17 cm ISBN: 0 9757380 1 1 (Can I pay by cheque?) (Where can I see it in shops?)
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In our enlightened times we no longer feel constrained to discriminate against each other. We have also extended this courtesy to animals, to a degree. Even plants have their needs tended. For we accept that all living things have their value (in public anyway). We even show concern about our environment, and only dump toxic waste when no one is looking. As a consequence of our concern, it has come to be noticed that inanimate objects are often neglected. For they do not come under any blanket concern for the environment. We are talking individual rights for individual objects here. Indeed, individual objects receive more than their fair share of discrimination. And just because they are not alive, it does not mean they should not have the same rights as the rest of us. For how can objects speak out for themselves if they are inanimate? They are not merely being shy either. They require some rights enshrined in law, even if they are too embarrassed to come forward. The treatment handed out to inanimate objects over the centuries has been appalling. Humanity has consistently taken up objects, used them, changed them, broken them up, created new ones, and discarded them without so much as holiday pay. And it is something we are all guilty of. For who among us does not possess at least a few objects. And in fact they are our very slaves. We did not consider their rights as autonomous individuals when we rudely possessed them. And we claim to own them. Even if that were true, and there is some argument to show, no matter how much you pay for an object, if you do not respect it as an individual, then you have no right to dictate the course of its existence, objects did not ask to be manipulated by us. In fact we have never asked whether they like being asked. And even if they cannot answer, or communicate in any way, this does not assume they have no rights. By any democratic standard, mistreatment of an object represents a fundamental denial of an object's right to exist as an object, for and by itself, for its own purposes. And if the object just sits there doing nothing, then that may be considered an expression of its own autonomous existence, and that should not be tampered with. The fact that objects will never complain of injustice means we must protect them all the more, as we would always protect the vulnerable in any society. And perhaps there are more reasons now to treat objects with respect. For, in our modern era, objects outnumber us a thousandfold. If they were ever to become critically aware, and to organise themselves along political lines, then we may have some problems. Objects might go on strike, they might decide on sanctions, or even declare war. It would be a conflict we could not win. There have already been several instances of objects hurting humans without provocation. How these instances would increase if objects became resentful at their situation. For these instances are increasing already, if slowly. We should not have to live in potential fear of objects. We should begin educating them now. So they can take their place on the world stage as equal players rather than props. We should find out what the hopes and aspirations of objects are. Once we work up an appreciation of them, then maybe we can have a dialogue with them. Then we can have partnerships with objects, establish their rights as equal entities, rather than merely possessing them.