was goes

by Jennifer Mills

cause none of these fuckers ever do i put em all in the drawer an they come over listnen to my music on my stereo an never put the fucken things back in their fucken cases swhy im puttin em back at four oclock in the fucken mornin havin to meet the boys in an hour nah in fifty four minutes thanks for fucken askin cause i always put em back or they get scratched noone gets it like i get it tupac fucken knows he fucken knows it got a bullet in him he been shot how many times i think its sixty i been shot but only once it didnt hit me gotta meet the boys in an hour no shit fuck forty five minutes cant find eminem fifty four forty five thats nine twice thats good a good sign i got a good feelin bout this job in out but darren i dont trust him he looks atya like he thinks youre fucken nuts an like hes all superior an shit an franky franky has his eye on jack shes not gonna have a bar of him hes only fifteen the little fucker but still i got one eye on him an if he starts somethin if he starts i got the shiv in me shoe so no fucken problem mate hes his own fucken problem these kids dont know what theyre doin i got me arm stuck under the couch lookin for the case an hello what have we a plastic square im pullin out i drop a fucken condom an i know it wasnt me so i yell jack the little ho come in the room all funny cause i woker up an ask her what the fuck is this man what the fuck do you call this an she looks at me all sweet as like theres no fucken problem but i know shes tryin it on an shes been fucken that little cunt in here on my fucken couch not puttin me fucken cds back

an i know theyre gonna fuck me this mornin

me hearts goin go have a whack of this go more tomorrow shit no cams away hes usually twentyfour seven

i go in the bathroom

jacks leanin outside the door cause i locked it dont want her comin in here an breakin me fucken concentration now do i

shes goin on about somethin

younevercometobed whinin the little fucken slut not enough i keep her in gear losin her tits too they get fat junkies or they get thin

this picture of her an franky bonin away on the couch in me room i can't shake it like two bloody skeletons

go go go rush its good watch now watch this watch thirty seven minutes thats a ten thats a one i gotta wait til thirty six nines better i need to get goin im not superstitious it dont hurt to believe in luck you got to so im out the bathroom door an jacky slutface ho is watchin me with her big blank eyes go get me shirt i need a shirt jack she pouts so i pinch her arse or shell think shes not gettin any they just take you know these fucken bitches take

my heart into third revs out fuck

no worries all go all systems go thirty minutes thats a three thats okay i go check out me pushy leanin in the garage none of these fuckers have nicked it in the night cant trust anyone in this fucken block its still there it goes like the wind its brand new a racer i picked it up in one of them tourist fucker places further down some cunt left the garage doors open thankyou an it goes six hundred dollar racer twenty seven speed all of em fast fast fast im thinkin fast oi jack where the fucks me shirt shes yellin back now oh im comin had to find a clean one an im like what the fuck does that matter if its clean or not you gonna wash it later for a job you idiot time is of the essence she dont get that time is of the essence is the essence of all things time i grab the shirt an put it on an wheres me belt its in the bathroom go go get me belt its in the bathroom go get it yourself she says you woke me up im goin back to bed i grab her like go get me fucken belt an shes you hit me again ill get me brother round so i let her go she goes an gets me belt good shit seventeen minutes to go go seventeens eight not good at all have to stand here waitin til its five fifty one so its nine then i think shit

five five one thats two twos no fucken good to me what if i been countin the wrong way round all this time

its five fifty one for an hour

me head

a smoke need a smoke to calm me down packets on the table one left fuck jack smoked all me fucken cigarettes again gone back to bed pretendin shes asleep i could go in there and wake her up and make her understand the smokes the time but theres no time no time at all now smoke calms me down an i remember were gonna have plenty of smokes real soon one minute to go an here they are throwin out me calculations fuck youre early we cant go yet nother forty seconds wait here franky an darren are lookin at each other like what the fuck an i know theyre both in on it frankys fucken jack an darren knows an hell the whole block knows theres nothin i can do about it even so im smart you know smarter than any these cunts im all calm an lets go an darrens drivin too damn slow wheredya get the car oh me mum he says you fucken stupid cunt you think theyre not gonna findya but its not my mum so who gives a shit right im go go go wigger sheeeow darrens shut the fuck was thats me name was cause time is of the essence darrens goin on the plan i got no time to go go here we are the servo back window tap on the glass through a sleeve yknow darren knocks it out an we chuck franky in hes little an hes round the back to open the door an takin his time tho come on you cunt come on go go an were in darrens at the till im gettin the smokes rackin em out into me shirt frankys just standin there what you doin cunt leave him be its his first time says darren an im all right okay but im thinkin hes gotta pull his weight or ill shiv him right now but im waitin til after the show so im all nice an shit an kid go get me a coke he goes an gets it an im drinkin darrens sayin watcha doin cmon was lets go go go

somethin grey creepin into me eyes fuck i must be goin blind nah its just dawn comin go go go darren drives too fucken slow back to the block an he drops us off he splits me four hundred i throw him some smokes franks in the bathroom he comes out big eyed an sits down on me couch an he starts with me fucken cds pullin em out of their cases i can feel the weight in me sock an ill do it but ill do it later jacks up come to see what we all gone got darrens long gone i say two hundred an give franky eighty bucks leaves me three twenty thats five thats no good im like we had to get petrol give me ten for that an im on six thats it but jacks sat next to him goin through the smokes for somethin sayin didja get me chocolate im like no do i have time for that heres ten go down the shop an shes nah gimme thirty ill go down to cams an get us some smoko hell be up nah hes away but hang on its her brothers away gone up to sydney for a bit cause of warrants an that means nows the time time is of the essence now

i give her thirty an she goes

three hundred threes alright

its really mornin now no blinds on the window freezin sun hurts me eyes i need a smoke first this little cunt

so howdja find it franky im all nice big brother an hes mousin yeah okay

it was okay me hands crawlin down me leg with the sweat

hes put on the radio playin some hippy shit im like whats this whats wrong with me cds an hes like you can put somethin on was an im i know i can cunt its my house isnit an hes all sorry sorry was

im thinkin about the shiv in me sock an i lean down he gets up to go to the pisser all of a sudden only just went take the shiv out an hold it in me hand tossin the weight of it but i dont feel so

good me hands shakin an i drop it just as jack comes in the door back from cams an starts choppin up lucky i kick the shiv under the table an franks back were all mates right an maybe i wont tonight ill wait an anyway its light peoplell be gettin up jack packs a cone hands it straight to franky lookin at him you poor baby an the condom wrappers still on the floor an that sure wasnt me cause i cant get it goin anymore then i think of me shiv lyin there waitin an i bend down just to look at it right then i hafta pretend im takin me shoes off so i start undoin the laces fuck me hands are shakin then theres franky handin me the bong goin you go first was hes alright hes alright snap me light pull one fast

i need to listen to tupac right now

the the cd

its in its case

course it is i

stuck pressdown got it

jack wheres the fucken stereo

she up an gets it off the chair i turn it up way up thats it

thats the shit

are they makin

doesnt matter now bitches he gets it dead but he got it tupac theyre talkin over it i cant concentrate they dont get it like i get it im smarter than em all but i cant help listenin to their blahblahblah what you gonna do franky i wanna get outta this shit i wanna go up to sydney jacks all yeah yeah yeah me too go see me brother an im what the fuck but i cant talk now

shoulda got jack to get me some go

fadin frankys all i wanna to do a course an maybe do somethin

thats bullshit

what you gonna do franky this is it wigger this is all there is to it you got eighty bucks this mornin for nothin an you wanna go do a prentiship an get that for a whole days slavin hes not lookin at me hes lookin at jack an theyre talkin shit about goin an that course theyre just kids they don't know what the deal is listen man

i been to sydney you know whats there just more fucken coppers an fags its full of fags an them cunts

you dont wanna go there you wanna stay here cause here you know the deal

jacks just talkin right over me like im not even there shes goin yeah but you hafta know the people on the street you know where to go they look after ya yeah you know them street people you work there cunt but she doesnt like that one bit an she goes an sits by frankys feet theyre lookin talkin just a coupla skeletons dreamin mornins up times runnin out

an we got nowhere else to go mate nowhere

This poem is taken from Total Cardboard issue 5, and remains under copyright. For more information see www.totalcardboard.com