The treatment handed out to inanimate objects over the centuries has been appalling. Humanity has consistently taken up objects, used them, changed them, broken them up, created new ones, and discarded them without so much as holiday pay. And it is something we are all guilty of. For who among us does not possess at least a few objects? And in fact they are our very slaves. We did not consider their rights as autonomous individuals when we rudely possessed them.

	^ Click on cover to see bigger version	False Head, And Other Parts Anthony Riddelll - THERE SHALL BE NO SPRING - rudely claimed a piece of paper attached to a wall. There was no elaboration. Clockcheese was witness to a number of newsreaders. Each repeated those words at the beginning of their program. Again there was no elaboration. A noise appeared outside. Clockcheese peered out to see a white boxlike truck moving past. On its side was unkindly printed THERE SHALL BE NO SPRING. Melinda, between mouthfuls, mentioned those words. Were the months of September, October and November (equivalent in the northern hemisphere to September, October and November) to be abolished? After being told this by a succession of newsreaders, Clockcheese glanced with some consternation at the television. It was salivating. He hoped that this was something that the gadget would "get over", as right at that moment he had significant difficulties. Spring... the season of love, fecundity, joy, laughter... abolished? Was a chronological revolution to rival that of Pope Gregory being unleashed? Many were the musings on this period - were they to be assigned to the lavatory? "Yes." Clockcheese looked, but all that he could see involved the usual ignorant pedestrians. Just after that comment he had a tiny glimpse of something fleeing or a glimpse of something tiny fleeing. He looked back at the television. Now it had small but definite teeth. The ticking seconds became more and more horrible. They became dull thuds against the inside of the skull. Clockcheese walked further and saw a large dog. He partially expected this to attack him, but it didn't move. Was this a ruse? Were unpleasant things in store for him no matter what he did? This thought had only just been generated when he heard a sound, a sound that could have been a heavy appliance trundling over asphalt. It was the television, now with angry teeth and an unpleasant growl. It meant to bite Clockcheese. An unbitten Clockcheese wondered if such chronological antics were due to human activity. No one that he knew could or would tell him. He elected to use a telephone. But who or what should he ring? After wrestling with a significant chunk of indecision, he rang the Department of Things. TELEPHONE: ... (ringing sounds) ... You have reached the Department of Things helpline. All our operators are busy, however you will be placed in a queue and spoken to by the first available operator. To help us, please select one of the following options: Press 1 for plastic antelopes Press 2 for a false sense of reality Press 3 for terrifying things Press PI for cosmonauts For all other enquiries, please press 4. Clockcheese pressed 4 and was rewarded with music that he did not find enjoyable. With time, more ringing occurred. TELEPHONE: Department of Things CLOCKCHEESE: Is the new chronological direction anthropogenic? T: We have a new toothpick, covering all new teeth. There shall be no Spring. (click) Clockcheese put the telephone call out of its misery and as he turned glimpsed a long orange fish come out of one wall and enter another that was perpendicular to it. He stared fixedly at the second wall. Did that j-just happen? Deep, uneasy breaths could be heard from where he saw the fish "enter". On a whim he shouted, "What can you tell me about recent chronological alterations?" All humming that may have taken place behind the wall abruptly ceased. - - - - - - - To read an extract from False Head click here. £4.00 118pp, 22 x 15 cm ISBN: 978-0-9757380-3-0
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In our enlightened times we no longer feel constrained to discriminate against each other. We have also extended this courtesy to animals, to a degree. Even plants have their needs tended. For we accept that all living things have their value (in public anyway). We even show concern about our environment, and only dump toxic waste when no one is looking. As a consequence of our concern, it has come to be noticed that inanimate objects are often neglected. For they do not come under any blanket concern for the environment. We are talking individual rights for individual objects here. Indeed, individual objects receive more than their fair share of discrimination. And just because they are not alive, it does not mean they should not have the same rights as the rest of us. For how can objects speak out for themselves if they are inanimate? They are not merely being shy either. They require some rights enshrined in law, even if they are too embarrassed to come forward. The treatment handed out to inanimate objects over the centuries has been appalling. Humanity has consistently taken up objects, used them, changed them, broken them up, created new ones, and discarded them without so much as holiday pay. And it is something we are all guilty of. For who among us does not possess at least a few objects. And in fact they are our very slaves. We did not consider their rights as autonomous individuals when we rudely possessed them. And we claim to own them. Even if that were true, and there is some argument to show, no matter how much you pay for an object, if you do not respect it as an individual, then you have no right to dictate the course of its existence, objects did not ask to be manipulated by us. In fact we have never asked whether they like being asked. And even if they cannot answer, or communicate in any way, this does not assume they have no rights. By any democratic standard, mistreatment of an object represents a fundamental denial of an object's right to exist as an object, for and by itself, for its own purposes. And if the object just sits there doing nothing, then that may be considered an expression of its own autonomous existence, and that should not be tampered with. The fact that objects will never complain of injustice means we must protect them all the more, as we would always protect the vulnerable in any society. And perhaps there are more reasons now to treat objects with respect. For, in our modern era, objects outnumber us a thousandfold. If they were ever to become critically aware, and to organise themselves along political lines, then we may have some problems. Objects might go on strike, they might decide on sanctions, or even declare war. It would be a conflict we could not win. There have already been several instances of objects hurting humans without provocation. How these instances would increase if objects became resentful at their situation. For these instances are increasing already, if slowly. We should not have to live in potential fear of objects. We should begin educating them now. So they can take their place on the world stage as equal players rather than props. We should find out what the hopes and aspirations of objects are. Once we work up an appreciation of them, then maybe we can have a dialogue with them. Then we can have partnerships with objects, establish their rights as equal entities, rather than merely possessing them.For the bulk of the population, reality will continue to be dominated by work, all-encompassing, all-powerful work. Those already in employment will be compelled to work at least fifteen hours a day. That way their only reality can, and will, be work. Lots of deductions can be made from their salaries to pay those companies who sponsor reality. They will also help in sponsoring leisure realities, which will only be available at exorbitant cost, because of the high demand. These leisure realities will remain totally escapist in nature. They may contain such genres as travel, sport, art, etc etc. They will contain no controversial content. Controversial realities will only be allowed to the most highly qualified, and then under strict supervision. The reality provided by bad habits - such as gambling and drug abuse, will be available on subscription, at a high price. Moreover, the population will have to work exceedingly hard to pay for these expensive pleasures, for the reality of leisure is often the high cost of its maintenance. Some domestic realities, at present known as quality time, will continue to exist in their present form. Familial contact, person to person communication, street life, community life, have all been sold off in large amounts in recent times. It is felt some token prescience must be maintained with regard to domestic reality. Otherwise people may forget it exists. (Some argue this has already happened in a number of cases.)